Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
