It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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