i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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