I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She's the barista slut.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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