I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
