This girl is more easily done than said...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I did not marry a roomba.
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