i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
