i permit you to call me
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
