I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
So. Much. Porn.
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