I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
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