Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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