so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
