I need to stop coming to work sober
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize