I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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