Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
