You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
