So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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