It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Four minutes until I can fart!
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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