Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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