he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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