bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Did I show you my penis last night?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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