I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
