i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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