so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I want her autograph on my taint
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
