i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize