she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
