I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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