is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
why do cheetos always look like penises
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Your cock deserves a montage
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
