don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
