She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
