Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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