I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
