He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
