Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
