I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
