And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
