Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
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