I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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