i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
