party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
