you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
