Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
