i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
