he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
