I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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