I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
