Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
