She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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