She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
