ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
