i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
