2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
