im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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