Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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