I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
