My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
