we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
