i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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