my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
someone owes me an orgasm
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize