like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
