Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
