my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
