but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
