the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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