there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
