Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
