We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
