maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
