my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
