I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
