cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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