Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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