It's like a parade of train wrecks.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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